Our mission is simple: restore marriage to the way God intended. Even though Christianity has only existed for two thousand years, we know that God is a lot older than that (we counted!). Have you heard of Adam and Eve? Of course you have. Every painting of them shows them as young people, which is clear intent that God never meant for old people to be able to wed.
As Isaiah 46:4 tells us:
Even to your old age I will be the same,
And even to your graying years I will bear you!
I have done it, and I will carry you;
And I will bear you and I will deliver you.
We know what God means when He says He will bear you, and it's generally a very bad thing. God stays the same while we age, and He's clearly against that. Even though He's the One that made it happen. Just trust us.
12/20/2014 - Nursing Home Picket (nationwide): We've been told that gray people stay in facilities called "nursing homes". Don't let the name fool you, while there are actual nurses in these buildings they are also filled with old people. Sometimes these grays will even copulate or engage in matrimony-- outright affronts to the will of God Almighty! We will gather in front of nursing homes all around the nation, picketing with signs to express our discontent with gray marriage and hopefully stop the delivery of oxygen tanks so the old people are unable to breathe. If they can't breathe then they'll die, and our problem will be solved.
1/15/2015 - Ensure Buy-out (nationwide): We will visit grocery stores around the nation and buy out their entire supply of Ensure. Since grays don't know how to internet, they will be unable to obtain their liquid sustenance and should die soon after the supply of Ensure disappears from store shelves.